u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
