I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
