I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
