It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
