hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
