my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
