why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
In America we eat man semen.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
