i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
