next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
