I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mom said you looked used
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
