Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
