Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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