I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize