yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
