We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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