No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
