she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
