2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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