fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
