oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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