dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
