Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
