I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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