My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
they need to just BURY HIM!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
