Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize