I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My bed smells like the plague
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
