Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
