Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
