you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
