Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
