Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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