I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
