Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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