i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i want to swaddle you in tequila
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
