he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
