My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Will exercising make me less horny?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
