I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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