Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
