Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
