The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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