You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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