i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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