In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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