FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
