i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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