She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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