i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
