even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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