I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
