my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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