I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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