I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
