I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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