youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
