I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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