I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
