I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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