roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
