Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
