That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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