Hey man sorry I got all grabby
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You ruined the universe
Randomize