I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize