You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
