just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
