That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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