Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
