Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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