You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
